Another Doctrine post…

Every now and then, it behooves us to write a little something in regard to the Wakefield Doctrine, that giant conglomerate blog that presides across the virtual pond. The Doctrine is expanding and developing at a truly impressive rate, and is impacting people’s lives in ways that were unimaginable not so very long ago. Light-years away from the EL Freeman parking lot in beautiful downtown Wakefield RI, almost back to the time of the King Philip’s war. ( Philip was a scott, you see, and Roger Williams was a roger…a rose by the very same name… )

We are not at all sure why we have switched to the royal “we” in referring to ourselves. We are apparently feeling slightly detached and aloof. We will play along; we are feeling somewhat whimsical at the moment. We suspect that it may simply have been from using the word ” behooves.”

Well, onto the point. We are sure that we left one lying around here somewhere.

My boss is a scott; an absolutely atypical scott. I have worked for her for over two years now, and am often surprised by how well this has worked out. I only have a few scars to show for it, where many others  have found themselves transformed into interesting balloon-animal shapes. She once used her pure force of will to get someone fired; from another company, not ours. Banned from the kingdom, driven into the wilderness. ( A lot like the Roger Williams analogy, now that we think about it…)

I, the model employee, have become the perfect lieutenant to her napoleonic Grand Design. Of course, I can’t actually know what the Grand Design really is, because she would probably have to kill me. And I am OK with that. I have grown accustomed to my face, thank you. It almost makes the day begin. ( Pray that you are not old enough to get that reference.)

She is in her early forties, divorced, mother to a 15-yr.old girl. And for as long as I have known her, she has been very actively involved in internet dating. She sometimes keeps me in that loop; the stories are often very entertaining, in a kind of Saw VII way. An exhausting business, certainly; constant texting and emailing and scheduling…To me, it seems as if it all creates a culture in which people don’t bother to invest much energy into who’s in front of them, because they know there’s always another dozen or so in the wings. Sad, really.

She has a sort of rating system, and no one has ever lasted for more than two months. Most for considerably less, and when they fail..she tells them exactly what they did wrong. They must understand why they are being dismissed.

And recently, it has occurred to me that internet dating…is the absolutely perfect hunting ground for the active, modern scott.  Forget parties. Forget water coolers. Those are for beginners.

So what do E-Harmony, Plenty of Fish, and Omaha Steaks all have in common?  If you inherently know the answer, you’re a scott; if you don’t, you’re a roger; an innocent, doe-eyed roger.

Think on it. It will come to you.

Think faster.

“Hey…why is my soul mate carrying a bottle of A-1 Sauce?”

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. lol

    don’t stare at the bushes, it will totally ruin the illusion of a safe, everyone-hermetically-certified-safe-dating-units all gathered in the cyber-version of your Aunt’s front parlor. A new life adventure is about to begin.

    thank you for the kind thoughts re: the Wakefield Doctrine… we think of it as a combination old book store, family restaurant and pool hall (with 3 pinball tables.
    Everyone is welcome and (it has been our experience) if you find something curious or otherwise interesting, the chances are it will turn out to be that…and maybe a little more.

    fun postation, yo

  2. …and so ye be “speaker for the dead” rogers….(yes, weird Monday. That or there’s some major shifting about to happen lol)
    I also thought this post fun as it is enjoyable to hear of the Doctrine in other places and out of the mouth of one of the babes, er, progenitors.
    What strikes me is that while I share the same feeling – “of the Wakefield Doctrine… we think of it as a combination old book store, family restaurant and pool hall (with 3 pinball tables)”,I also realize that many
    of the younger people do not know of these things. This comment format is extremely irritating as I cannot now see the words I am typing…..
    Anyway, nice post.


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